and today was a day unlike any other...

meeeee_shell @ 2009-06-25T13:42:00

2009-06-25T17:47:00Z

i keep having the most vivid dreams.

the death of my favorite family member is taking its toll on me in the most inappropriate/untimely/upsetting ways. i keep taking things out on you and its because you are the only one there for me 24/7 and i have never dealt with the death of a loved one before.

i was at work yesterday, set my book down and just started to bawl my eyes out uncontrollably, and i continued to do so for at least the next hour. i cried for the realization that my grandma is actually gone, i cried for dwelling on the past and fearing infidelity when i know you love me and im just being crazy, i cried for myself and feeling so mundane recently. i felt much better afterwards, but i feel like theres too much pounding inside my head and i just dont know how to contain it.

i need to go back to seeing a therapist. i need a neutral party to help me organize myself and see things for what they are and not what my stupid mind imagines. my anxiety hasnt been as bad as it had before, but my depression has been more relevant recently, with good reason i think but still, i dont want it around.

my birthday is saturday and it will be the first that i dont spend with my grandma. ill miss her at dinner and ill miss her strong hug and kiss, she could hug me so hard my face would hurt. ill miss getting scratch off tickets in my birthday card from her. ill miss her handwriting on the envelope that simply said “precious”.

i need to get away, i need a break from my own life. i want to travel some where soon, once im out of school for the summer and have a little more money in the bank. im hoping alex will come with me, that would make it twice the fun. i dont care where i go, drive or fly, just as long as its out of arms reach of sarasota.

my dream escape is to go to chicago for a week during lollapalooza and see my fannie and see some amazing music. so fingers crossed i can make enough money to buy a ticket.

i think i need to start typing on my typewriter again and actually go through with making a zine, it would help me alot i think.

im starting to loose it.

2009-06-04T04:41:24Z

i hate you sometimes.
im on a stupid downward spiral.

my most recent book!

2009-04-28T02:04:30Z

check it out :]

http://www.blurb.com/books/659726

meeeee_shell @ 2009-04-13T13:42:00

2009-04-13T17:43:13Z

this is what i did today.

2009-03-30T23:55:24Z

self portraits.

2009-02-20T07:41:05Z

With these i focus on how i use to view myself and how i do now. 5 years ago i would never of put myself in these positions, they make me look too fat or unappealing. But i have grown and become completely comfortable with my body. but it was a growing process. i am who i am :]

i love youuuu

2009-02-13T16:51:01Z

and this heart shaped pizza proves it <3

im fat and sassy. deal with it.

2009-02-08T18:25:00Z

new.

2009-02-04T02:46:39Z

stuffmeinyourbones.tumblr.com

pulse.

2009-02-03T19:17:57Z

trust.

2009-01-12T06:01:35Z

i use to have an issue with trust where i would just trust everyone i met.
but now you have turned the tables. i do not trust you. i did and you broke it.
now you have a long long time to go before you will ever regain my trust.
i havent told you this, and i dont know if i will. it doesnt matter.
sometimes i think our relationship isnt real.

i could punch a hole through a wall about now.

phuck.

2008-12-27T15:35:42Z

im on pills to not make me crazy/depressed/have anxiety.
and recently i have all of the above.

EEEEEEEEKK!

2008-12-19T06:13:04Z

"Michelle Fisher:

Congratulations from CMYK Magazine.

Your photography work was selected for publication in CMYK Magazine #43 issue due to hit newsstands in March 2009."

fuck yes.

meeeee_shell @ 2008-12-10T19:33:00

2008-12-11T00:34:07Z

GRUMPY

make it better.

ha.

2008-12-03T19:57:29Z

her- its a tooth brush, not a wedding ring.
him- its similar, its like buying a house together.
her- no, its just so you wont kill me with bad breath.

i love amanda p.

violent cuddling.

2008-12-01T16:15:46Z

i havent felt that i am lacking recently.

you know when someone will always be there?

2008-11-20T21:40:06Z

my natalie is one of those.
i love her loads.

i love this girl more than she knows :]

come.

2008-09-22T13:58:02Z

from A to B.

2008-09-16T05:35:40Z

from one comfort zone to another.

one of those days.

2008-09-14T16:24:59Z

where all i want to do is listen to Dylan all day, take photos, and make love.

meeeee_shell @ 2008-09-10T16:47:00

2008-09-10T20:47:23Z

mornings :]

2008-09-07T15:54:24Z

where your bed is the most comfortable place in this world, and you know you have things to do today, or your really hungry but every time you move or reposition your bed gets more comfortable and becomes even more inescapable?

yeaaaaa.

i was framed.

2008-09-06T03:25:00Z

"Well my snail has my favorite slow, shell helps the snail still the skin lays low..."
its half way done :]

developed.

2008-08-26T01:00:05Z

first day of school.
3rd year.
almost done :]

the last time for a long time.

2008-08-13T16:56:04Z

your so nice and your so smart
your such a good friend i have to break your heart
i'll tell you that i love you
then i'll tear your world apart
just pretend i didnt tear your world apart.